The new season of this show is debuting on OWN tonight and I have to say, I like the premise of this show. Usually with stories of betrayal, it ends in a Snapped or Scorned: Love Kills type of manner. This show, however, focuses on relationships that survive the betrayal when a spouse commits adultery. Each episode features two couples, one of whom cheated on the other, with commentary on what lead into these events from both parties leading up to, during, and after the duration of the affair. Most times the couple's therapist serves as the third commentary of the show to explain the couple's problem and how they learned and eventually overcame the shock of the betrayal. Most if not all of the couples I have seen featured on the show went to counseling at some point to help them gain closure and come back together, something that I feel is always an A+ for effort step in the right direction. And all of them have said at the end of their episode that their relationship made it through the rough period; rather than merely surviving the marriage is now thriving and in this day and age where a couple divorcing hardly warrants a raise of an eyebrow, it is kind of inspiring to see the power of forgiveness and love, and lots of hard work. Genuine forgiveness is hard to come by but these couples have done it--the cheater forgiving themselves, and the spouse forgiving the cheater.
I like this show--many times when a spouse cheats, its immediate grounds for divorce. I don't condone cheating in any way, especially in a marriage. That bond is sacred to me and one that shouldn't be spat on in such a way as taking another to bed and actually establishing a relationship with said person is even worse. I was very interested to see how the possibility or appeal of an affair came up in these various situations and I was forced to change my own opinion on cheating after coming into more understanding. After watching a few episodes, I realized that I have been in some of those same situations and experiencing some of those same emotions myself in relationships. The difference is cheating goes so far against my moral fiber that I'd rather be miserable with them or alone than have that on my conscience. I learned an important lesson watching this show--it is entirely possible for a man or woman to cheat only once and honestly and truly regret it. And in that same token, it is entirely possible that their spouse has the opportunity to forgive them for it, honestly and truly. I was also able to learn that there is a difference between a cheating person and a person that makes a mistake, which is where my changed opinion comes into play.
Before I watched this show, I figured all cheaters were the same and I was a large fan of the old adage, "Once a cheater, always a cheater." I watched a couple of episodes of the show, however, and I had to revise that opinion. These men and women genuinely loved their spouses and their children. They had no desire to hurt them or destroy their marriages when they made the decisions that they did. The stories were realistic and their reasons ranged widely--boredom, loneliness, struggles within the relationship, fear, grief over the loss of a parent, financial struggles, feeling trapped--I haven't one time heard the reason for cheating that I am used to, which was that the person either got greedy and wanted to have their cake and eat it too, or that they just didn't care enough about their spouse to want to be faithful to them. I didn't condone what they did or how they handled their individual situations after hearing their reasoning or the path that lead them to feel this decision was right, but I was allowed more insight and it helped me to not be so judgmental. And contrary to what many say, sometimes the spouse of the cheater is, at least sometimes, partially to blame for their spouse straying. No, they did not force their partner to cheat. However, some of their actions may have contributed to their partner cheating and it usually took the couple visiting therapy for them to see where both may have played a part in the other's actions. At some point, most if not all of the spouses who were guilty of having the affair broke down when they realized the toll and the pain they put on the person they loved the most, or at the prospect of losing their families and all they had built. These are people who made mistakes and it nearly (and in some cases did for awhile) cost them their marriages and families. They committed themselves to rebuilding what they destroyed and are now happy, still married (or remarried) and best of all, faithful. Now if the person's inclination is more towards that of "I can have my cake and eat it too," then that's probably a cheating person and the old saying rings true. However, not everyone who cheats has that mentality and some are genuinely sorry for it. I learned that there is a distinct difference.
Saturday's debut focused on two couples--Rosalyn & Cregg, and Scott & Sherry. Rosalyn & Cregg were a former military couple who had just become parents when Cregg made the decision not to re-enlist. Finding work became more difficult and before long, they were in dire financial straits. He found a repair job working for a recently widowed neighbor, and some time after that she begins exchanging money for Cregg's bills for sex with him. I won't blow the ending but it's a biggie. Scott & Sherry were newlyweds and first-time parents, when Sherry noticed a disconnect and started asking Scott to spend more time with her and the baby. Scott, feeling trapped, began to view his marriage as a burden and eventually gravitated towards a receptionist he worked with, leading to an affair between the two. Just as Cregg did, Scott tells the details of the affair and his honest thoughts during that time, with Sherry & Rosalyn responding in their individual confessionals how they were feeling and acting on during that time. All in all, it was a good season premiere.
I applaud this show for being honest and unbiased, and not sugarcoating either half of the story or victimizing the spouse or villainizing the cheater. I also like that the story is told firsthand from the individual's point of view and the cheater takes ownership of his/her decisions and explains their reasoning. The show is very candid and I would imagine that especially for the ones who have remorse or shame for their actions, being candid on national tv is no easy feat. It takes a certain level of honesty to even admit to oneself that there was a mistake, takes even more to admit it to one's partner, but to admit it to the world is another thing entirely and even though it is their own fault, I still commend the spouse who committed the adultery for being able to discuss the issue and take ownership in such a public format. Just because I or my loved ones know I made a mistake doesn't mean I want to admit it to the world, so actually I have to commend everyone who participates in the show. I still don't condone cheating in any way, shape, matter or form but now I have some insight. I have been able to see what real forgiveness can do, and that is always amazing to me. Cheating has been lauded for so long as the unforgivable sin, and these spouses loved their marriages and partners so much that they put on their rainboots and braved the storm. These couples buck the statistics every day and I enjoy watching the show.
Bitchy Review: I suggest this show if you are having trouble believing that forgiveness and love really save the day, if you (like me) have a problem forgiving because it is inspiring to see these people really fight for their marriages, or if you would like to see something other than today's norm of people getting married and divorced in the blink of an eye without really doing any work to save it. This show proves that it really is possible to recover after a spouse commits adultery. Unfaithful: Stories of Betrayal is honest even at the worst parts, candid, but inspiring in a way and I suggest you watch it sometime. The show comes on every Saturday at 9pm EST on the OWN Network, that's 189 for Dish subscribers and 279 for DirecTV viewers.
Bitchy Rating: 4 (out of 5)
No comments:
Post a Comment