Winter Chill

Hi! This is my last inspo board for the year and after two years of doing these, I'm thinking of switching it up a bit. I still love my boards, but I want to try something different. Haven't fully decided what I'd like to do yet but I'm considering it. I like how this board came together and I actually posted it on time so I think I deserve some points for that. Anyway, let's get to the board. 

Color Palette: icy blue, pale pink, lilac, light gray, white, rose gold, and glittery colors (white, green, gold, silver and red)

I've found that a muted color palette relaxes me during this time of year, which is important to me as I am undoubtedly at my most anxious during the winter. The decreased sunlight, isolation, stress of the holidays (and three birthdays in a two-week time span) and whatever I have going on personally at the time often create a toxic cocktail for me so like I said during the fall inspo post, my main focus is to surround myself with things that are relaxing. I said all that to say that a muted color palette often helps me relax, so that's what I try to gravitate toward. I'm still here for the glittery colors though because duh, glitter. 

Beauty: dark halo and glitter eyes, nude lips, highlighted skin, dramatic wispy lashes, long, glittery or dark coffin nails

Despite not being here for the fancy fashion this year, there's no better time to roll out a dark, dramatic look than winter. I'm not feeling dark lips right now so I'd rather keep them nude, especially if I'm doing a darker eye. I don't worry much about my skin other than keeping it hydrated during the winter but this year I want highlighted, bright skin rather than the pale matte finish I usually have. Obviously with it being the holidays I'm here for the long, dramatic lashes and even though I can't maintain the claws for too long, I've been getting into them again. Shoutout to the women who can wear them year-round without scratching themselves in the vag or having to stop doing certain activities. I could never. LOL

Hair: holiday/seasonal headwrap fabrics, deep purple hair, shiny, deep waves or bone-straight hair

I haven't given too much thought to what I want done with my hair other than not looking like a fool for the holidays. lol I'm still into the headwraps but maybe in lieu of doing something complicated with my hair I'll just find holiday fabrics I can use as headwraps instead. The only thing I have given some thought to is the color. I'd prefer to color my natural hair because I'm getting bored with it but I have to build up the strength a little more so I'll settle for a black wig with purple undertones. lol Again, as far as styles go I don't have much in mind. I love center-parted, bone straight hair for this time of year but I also really like shiny, deep waves. They photograph well and hold up over long periods of time. 

Fashion: hoodies, loungewear, thick, fuzzy socks, black and nude lace, pom pom holiday tees, sweatpants, wedge sneakers, beanies

Since I have no life and no holiday parties to attend, I'm much less inspired by the fancy stuff for this winter than usual. Even though one of my favorite holidays falls during this time (New Year's), I always bring in the year at home and I'd rather be comfortable instead of trying to squeeze into something nice just to say I brought in the year looking human. I'd rather beat my face and wear sweats. lol Basically, my entire aesthetic for winter is to be a walking blanket. If I can comfortably sleep anywhere in what I'm wearing, it's a win. One of my few favorite things about this time of year is that my beloved beanies can finally make their triumphant return to my dome without overheating my scalp. This is a random note but I think I'd like another piercing. I've been going back and forth on it for a minute, but I think I'd like to make it a Christmas gift to myself. Go figure, I'm afraid of everything else in life but I have no issue with blood or needles. And who says God doesn't play jokes? LOL 

Headspace: cozy, reading, holiday, solitude, gift, warmth

There's never not a good time of year to make a fort but for me personally, the best time (ironically) to do it is always winter. Health complications aside, its the perfect time to make a bed fort, cocoon myself in a blanket and read. Forts are also surprisingly good at holding in heat so as it gets colder that's going to come in handy. I think I just feel safer, more comforted, in a small, secluded space. I'm claustrophobic though, so not too small. I really am a walking contradiction. Moving on, of course the holidays and gift giving are on my mind, but the former more for the stress they bring and the latter because I enjoy making gifts. I've found it easiest to make gifts for my sister, who also loves making gifts, but for my brothers I'm all thumbs. They're gamers too so even though I know exactly what they'd like, I can't afford any of it. It makes me supremely salty to think about buying PS4 games for others when I can't buy them for myself because I'm a console behind. lol 

I want to say I said this in last year's Winter Wonderland post (I had to slip it in here somewhere 😏), but in case I didn't, I'm not the biggest fan of Christmas music in general but if I have to hear Mariah Carey's All I Want for Christmas one more time I will rip the tracks off my wigs then pull out my own hair. When did that become 'the' Christmas song? Why couldn't we have kept it old school with my personal favorite, Nat King Cole's The Christmas Song? Or put a New Wave spin on it with Wham!'s Last Christmas, which is another favorite (not sure why, it's a song about Christmas heartbreak but I digress lol)? I'm not sure when the Christmas committee got together and decided that was the song, but I didn't attend the meeting, didn't put in my vote and if I had, it wouldn't have been for that song. ✋Okay. I'm getting really passionate about a song. Let me stop. Anyway, I included two playlists for this winter. I first included a Spotify playlist of contemporary holiday music because I know not everyone shares my disdain for it lol, then I included a YouTube mix by Pulse8, an ambient and chillstep channel, that I've been listening to lately. The latter has a lot of chill, mellow instrumentals which might sound a little depressing, but I've been loving it. The music, not the depression. lol 

cozy room decor, holiday and glitter heavy accessories and accents

From l to r: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11

I think one of my main focuses around this time of year is gifts. I love making gifts and treats for others; they're a good way for me to get better at DIYing things, they're affordable and come from the heart. I try to choose practical things so that I'm not the asshole making people things they clearly don't want or will ever have need for. I think my major goal is to create something that rivals or at least comes close to store quality without spending that amount of money. Like I said, its harder to do that for the males in my life but I'm figuring it out. Honestly, I'll probably cave and end up buying them something lol. I also enjoy winter DIYs, like different rustic-looking wall accents, luminaries and glittered accessories so that I can keep them up throughout the holidays. As I mentioned up above, if I can be a walking blanket during the winter I absolutely will, which is why there's a DIY blanket poncho included on this board. 😂

pine, peppermint, spice-based scents, woodsy and musky notes

 

1. BHG A Wonderful Winter--Peppermint, evergreen, winter citrus, mistletoe

2. B&BW Champagne and Glitter--champagne, pear, vetiver, cedarwood

3. BHG Candied Caramel Pecan--Cinnamon, clove, nutmeg

4. Yankee Candle Balsam and Cedar--Balsam, cedarwood, juniper

5. BHG Spiced Gingerbread Meringue--Gingerbread, cinnamon, clove, vanilla, buttered brown sugar

6. B&BW Fireside--cedar, clove, embers

7. BHG Warm Rustic Woods--Tobacco, cedar, patchouli, pink peppercorn, nutmeg, mandarin leaf, vanilla tonka

8. B&BW White Woods--white oak, cashmere musk, santal, vanilla bean

9. Yankee Candle Silver Birch--Siberian pine, clove, eucalyptus, cypress, pine, patchouli

For some reason, I prefer more masculine scents this winter; the woodsy, musky notes are much more my can of soda this year. The scents are cleaner and crisper than the floral musk scents I usually tend to gravitate to. Just to borrow from the winter theme of being mostly about food, I like the warmth of spice notes in my scents as well but I don't need my house smelling like gingerbread until April so it's better as just a footnote. The sweet elements like the crisp fruits and sweet accents kind of round out the woodsy or musky scent notes, which can be kind of bitter and harsh on their own. I also like the tree scents because they remind me of Christmas and winter, and since I'm allergic to pine I can't be out in the wild trying to get a whiff so I might as well get a candle that smells similar. lol

savory, slow cooked meats, filling sides, small desserts, stuffed entrees

From l to r:  1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13

I've realized that this year I'm not into the traditional holiday menus at all. I'm kinda over 'em. I'm a little over the holidays in general, if we're keeping it 100. What I am into this year are homemade sweets and treats. I don't like pie but I stay trying to make one. lol Even though I'd like to make a bunch of sweets, I noticed that I didn't include too many sweet treats on this season's board. I got caught up with things I want to cook and before I knew it, this collage (which isn't heavy on the sweet stuff at all) was born. Two things should be apparent by looking at this board: 1-I don't watch what I eat, especially during the winter (which partially explains why I've put on 15 pounds from the neck to the knees lmao) and 2-I really like cheese. My sister reminded me last week that a couple of Christmases ago my mom and her got me a bunch of mozzarella sticks as a shits and giggles gift but I was legit happy about it. I didn't remember that until she mentioned it but now that it's out there, I wouldn't mind it being a stocking stuffer this year. lol Anyway, I didn't notice until I'd finished the collage that I picked a bunch of thick, greasy food. My spring taste boards are always lighter on the palate so if this isn't your jam, check back with me in March. lol 

So that's this year's inspo board for winter. Compared to other parts of the country, Texas winters are mild by comparison but they're chilly enough for me and my busted ass immune system to stay in the house. lol Luckily, there's no snow on the horizon so for as long as that holds true, I'll take it. I'd be fine if it remained in the 60s all winter but since you can't have everything you want I'll be cocooning myself until March. I hope you liked this board; as I said before this might be my last seasonal one for a bit while I play around with different types of themes. What's inspiring you for winter this year?

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Being Thankful, part 2

Hello and Happy Thanksgiving (if you celebrate it)! Even though I don't really celebrate the holiday anymore, I do still identify with the gratitude portion of the day. It's a daily thing for me, which is one of the reasons Thanksgiving doesn't really do anything for me as holidays go, but whatever. I still like taking the time to think about what I'm thankful for in my life. If you've read some of my posts throughout the year, then I'm sure it's not a surprise at all that this has been a challenging year for me. I've had worse years, but 2017 has been especially difficult for me personally and financially, and a lot of the time that's what I'm focusing on. How bad the year has been, what I've been trying to overcome throughout the year. It's easy to be thankful when things are going well and you feel like the universe is on your side. It's a lot more difficult but more fulfilling to produce a list of things to be thankful for when you feel like things are going wrong and the universe isn't on your side, which is why I wanted to make a part two of this list.

I did one a couple of years ago and things weren't fabulous then either, but I definitely had a lot more in the tank then than I do now. Because things have been rather bad, I thought it would be a perfect time to make a list of the good in my life this past year, so that I'd have something positive to look back on the year. I'm always thankful for the little I do have, but it gets hard for me to remember that sometimes when the bad is usually more prominent. 

1. I'm thankful that my foot is finally healed. 

When I did this list two years ago, I'd mentioned that I was grateful I hadn't broken my toe when I hit it a few days prior. I was still on crutches at the time but the swelling and pain had started to subside, so I assumed it was just a really bad bruise. As I updated later, that shit was broke. LOL So now that I'm on the other side of a year of appointments, therapy and a surgery, I am immensely grateful that my foot is finally healed. I'm 7 months post-surgery and my doctor finally gave me a clean bill of health on my toe back in August. The break has caused arthritis to develop in my toe, which has been a real thorn in my side the past two winters, but now that it's healed I'm a little excited to see if there are going to be any long-term changes. Overall I'm just glad it's healed. I'm not in a boot, not in a shoe, not stuck doing 30-minute long TENS therapy treatments every night, no longer having to limp everywhere. I may have arthritis in my toe now and I'm still learning to trust the strength of my foot in general again, but it's no longer broken and as of now, no more surgeries or treatment are on the horizon. 

2. I have a family who loves me. 

I've made no secret of my strained relationship with my family despite still living with them. Things aren't as great as they could or should be and I sincerely doubt that they'll ever genuinely get to where I'd like them to be. That's okay. What I know and what I choose to try to focus on is that, for all of the issues we have with each other, I know these people love me. I know they want me to succeed in life and in the things I do, and I know that they don't want any harm to come to me. That's a hell of a lot more than some people can say about their families and I realize how blessed I am to know that despite the issues we have, I don't have to worry about my family not loving me. I know they do. They just suck sometimes. lol 

3. I'm thankful that I can pay all of my bills every month. 

Another thing I've made no secret of is my strained relationship with my pockets. lol They're usually empty and I'm not very happy about or appreciative of it, but I'm glad that they're empty because I paid all of my bills. I definitely don't have a lot of money but with the little I do have, I can still get everything done. I remember what it was like having to constantly negotiate with bill collectors, I remember having to duck and dodge them back in the day before everything went automated lol, and every month I'm grateful all over again for being able to pay everything in full. My pockets are empty, but my house has heat, the lights work and I can flush the toilet whenever the hell I want. 😂 I never have to worry about not being able to provide these things for my family and that feels really nice. It's very basic, but I will never forget that part of my life and I'll never be at a point where I won't be thankful for the ability to have the basics, even if that's all I have.



4. I'm thankful for my senses.

That probably sounds stupid, but you don't realize the importance of each sense until you have to function without it. I'm a nature buff (ya know, when its warm out) and usually going out somewhere green and lush, preferably with birds, helps me to calm down a little when I'm feeling anxious or stressed out. It's another basic thing that I really appreciate the ability to see, hear and feel. I think that's why I prefer my seasonal inspiration boards broken down into senses rather than how I've seen other bloggers put out their inspo boards--I think I approach the world in a similar way so doing my boards like that make the post more true to who I am. I try to involve all of my senses in whatever I'm doing so that it's a more immersive experience for me, and as a result I find that I enjoy things a lot better than when I just went into something but didn't ever take the time to realize or appreciate how special it was to experience it at all. I know, I know. Corny and probably sounds dumb as shit. But I'm thankful for the ability to experience things with all 5 of my senses.



5. I'm thankful for my nieces. 

I already mentioned being grateful for my family and the fact that they love me, but if you ever wanted to get to the root of my being, you'd have to go through my nieces. My family is my heart. My nieces, however, are my soul. I love them so much it literally makes my chest ache. lol My nieces are 7 months apart so they're nearly twins, but they're two completely different children and it's been so much fun to establish an individual bond with them both. I think the role I relish most in life is aunt. The love of a child is so genuine and unconditional and being able to have the unconditional love of two children warms my entire heart, which is quite cold these days. LOL I didn't think the family--or my brother, for that matter--was ready for any children when they came along, but I can't see the past four years of my life being the same without them. They've gotten me through so many dark times in my life, have no idea how they've saved me and wouldn't understand if I tried to tell them. I'm so grateful for them and the joy they've brought to my life.



6. I'm thankful for my house. 

Let me be clear about something. I hate my house. It's drafty and has no insulation, is terribly structured and in desperate need of repair, to say the absolute least about it. It sucks. It could certainly be in worse condition and I am so grateful it isn't, but truthfully, it sucks. But its a roof over our heads and again, I remember what not having one felt like. I remember sleeping on people's couches, and I remember sharing a bed with my mom and brother because there was no room to sleep anywhere else and the place was crawling with bugs so it wasn't safe to sleep on the floor. I've come a long way. I hate this house the way it is now, it's falling apart and Housing refuses to fix it and wish I had the money to properly renovate it, but it's a roof over our heads. Everyone has their own space, nobody's sleeping on a couch (and if they do it's by choice lol), and for the kids, this is their childhood home. They grew up here. I grew up in a bunch of places, so it was important for my mom and I to give them the stability I didn't get to have. I'm thankful we've been able to do that, even if the house sucks. 😄



7. I'm thankful for the ladies at my mom's church. 

That probably sounds random, but I was just thinking about one of the ladies from my mom's church. She's such a beautiful soul. She brought us some food for Thanksgiving and gave my mom a gift card so we could get dinner and I was just remembering how much I loved her for thinking of us like that. My mom's been part of her church for a little over 3 years now, and she's had four hospital stays in that time. Every time she's been in the hospital, some of the ladies from her church study group bring us food to help lighten the load. I usually have the house on my own when my mom's sick, so it was a Godsend that they thought of us and gave me one less thing to do every day. One lady in particular has come by every time my mom's been in the hospital, every Thanksgiving and every Christmas to give us a gift card so we can buy food and she brings us food when my mom's sick. She gives the best hugs and has the most caring, gentle, loving spirit. Her husband, who is also a sweetheart, has serious health issues and she will spend all day caring for him and still think of us enough to bring us by some food and genuinely ask how we're doing. I remember the first time I met her, she brought some food over and she asked how I was doing. I was tired, stressed out and cranky but something about her just set me at ease. She told me she loved me and I almost lost it right there. This stranger, who wouldn't know me from Adam, told me she loved me and gave me one of the best hugs I've ever received in my life. lol There was something so loving and authentic about it that if she hadn't left when she did, I would have become a blubbering mess. I am so thankful for their generosity to us, for their concern for us, when we needed it the most. I would love to repay them for their kindness and I hope that one day I can.



8. I'm thankful for you!

If this is the first post you've read or you read my posts regularly, thank you for stopping by. I really appreciate you spending a little time with me and hope you make it back to visit again soon.




I know this was a shorter list than the last one but on a superficial note, I just put some nails on and can no longer type properly so I'm using two pencil erasers to type. 😂With this change in conditions, I have to end the list here. lol I'm still trash at typing with nails on so I'd rather not spend the rest of the day making typos and pressing Backspace. It's annoying, to say the least, so I'm gonna go now. What are you thankful for this year? Have an amazing evening and I'll see you soon!

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Autumn Falls

Hi! First things first, I really don't like this header so I'm probably going to change it. I liked it at first but by the time I uploaded it here half an hour later, I was done with it. lol Anyway, happy first day of fall! The holidays are right around the corner, isn't that great? 😩 I'm bursting with excitement, as you can tell. I should probably warn you ahead of time that this won't be one of the more interesting seasonal inspo boards; I'm not looking forward to fall this year and would much rather skip forward to spring. I ended up being much more inspired by and ready for Halloween than fall, partially because I don't want it to get cold yet and partially because any fall activities in my neck of the woods cost an arm and a leg (for me) so I can't go to any. I may not be able to buy any Halloween costumes or do the more costly DIY projects, but I can paint a face and that's what I'm excited to do. Anyway, let's get to the boards!

Color Palette: nudes and neutrals, deep, muted mattes

nude, blush, mustard, black, hunter green, rust, sienna, chocolate, wine/burgundy

Fashion: cropped sweaters, slouchy cardigans, strapped ankle booties, low wedge sneakers, moto and quilted jackets, plaid and flannel, high-waisted bell bottoms/wide leg pants, dark floral print, dark bohemian

I have this contradiction with fall fashion. I feel really drawn to structured pieces and textures, like houndstooth, leather, pleated trousers, and jackets. But on the flip, I also feel really drawn to more leisurely pieces, like joggers, henley tees and baggy cardigans. So basically I'm either going to look like I'm going to a business meeting in a high-rise office building, or like I'm making a quick run to Walmart for ice cream and tampons. lol I love the cozy feel of the season, but I also love the burst of new fashion we only got a peek at during the spring. Dark floral print isn't a new addition to my fall board, but I've been liking it in bohemian-inspired, loose-fitting tops. I love wedge sneakers, but I've noticed that different sneakers have different lifts in the shoe. I have a pair, but they're a bit higher than I thought they'd be and half a size larger, so they're a little uncomfortable for all-day wear. A lower, maybe more durable pair would probably be more my speed. Same for ankle booties; I'm not really digging the '90s booties everyone's been wearing; I didn't like them back in the '90s. lol A pair like the one in this picture, though, I can do. 

I've found myself all about the sweater this year. Slouchy, cropped, oversized, off-the-shoulder, I'm here for all of the above. Same with joggers, I've been liking a lot of different kinds this year. I'm not sure what the difference is between joggers and sweatpants, but nobody really says the latter anymore so I'm just gonna roll with it. lol Plaid and flannel are 'duh' choices for me this time of year, but I forgot to get a picture to include on the fashion board. Simpler pieces, like long-sleeved thermal henley tops, are a staple of mine for colder weather for both the look and comfort factors. 

Hair: deep purple, red or rose gold ombre, long, relaxed waves or springy curls, sleek and straight, headscarves and wraps, messy buns

The main notable entry on this season's hair board is the headwrap. I've been getting into them for a couple of months, partially out of laziness, but also because I think they may be a better fit for protecting my hair than a wig. I've spent much of the summer with a headache, so the last thing I want is a wigstrap sucking the oxygen out of my brain and a bunch of tracks making my scalp sweat. #nahbruh Enter scarves and wraps. I didn't feel one way or the other about them for years but I've been giving them a second...and third lol...look and I'm coming around. I've worn one out a few times and because I'm used to hiding behind hair, wearing a headwrap has made me feel a bit naked but it's also rather freeing not to have to worry about my hair. 

Not wanting the headache (literally) that comes with the wigs doesn't mean I'm over them, though. lol I'm always gonna be here for a good one. I'm just not trying to wear one every time I leave the house anymore. I'm a little bored as far as color is concerned and although I still love me a good 1B domepiece, I miss having color in my life. I've been on this purple kick since sometime last year, but I haven't found the plum and black color of my wig fantasies yet so I'm still looking. 

A black and plum or deep red ombre like the ones in the pictures would be perfect for this time of year and I'm determined to look near and far, high and low, for that dream wig. When I do have one on, I have that contradiction again when it comes to pairing it with fall fashion. I love sleek, straight, middle-parted hair for this time of year; I've always liked that against a leather or structured jacket. I also love messy hair against a more casual outfit; a messy bun with loose pieces or half up, half down are longtime favorites. 

My hair is still growing back out, but I recently trimmed about 1" of dead ends so now I have this awkward length and due to good ol' 4C shrinkage, I'm at a loss for how to style it. That was why I included a couple of short Natural styles on the board. Both of those styles are okay with me and if I can get my hair to do either one, I'm willing to wear my wigs a little less. A little. I'm bored with my natural color as well; I've only colored my actual hair once and that was back during my senior year of high school when I was trying to stunt for my yearbook pictures. LOL Now that there are safer color options for Natural hair, I'm here for coloring it again. I'm thinking black with plum or navy undertones. The Irish is about to come out in my skin hardbody, so I need some color in my life. 

Beauty: eyeshadows in shades of orange and brown, matte face, dark statement lips, gory and artistic Halloween makeup, dark-colored coffin/ballerina shaped nails with seasonal accents 

This year is much less about the glam side of makeup and more about the Halloween side of it. Like I said up in the intro, I've been more excited about Halloween than fall lately; the change of seasons has done nothing for me except remind me that Halloweenie is nearby. lol For regular makeup, what I've been looking at is pretty basic and probably nothing I haven't already mentioned in a previous inspiration post. I'd prefer shades of orange or brown on the eyes, natural to wispy looking lashes, and dark statement lips. The four colors I'd like to try on the lips this year are oxblood, chocolate, plum and black. I haven't been so concentrated on the eyes; I've even moved away from my winged liner in favor of a dark brown smoked out lashline.

As for Halloween makeup though, I'm here for all of it. Beautiful, artistic looks, gory, SFX effect looks, sign me up for all of it. The zipper and steampunk looks are more of a goal I'd like to accomplish at some point; I don't think I can do either one just yet but I like to push my skills a little further each year. This year, the main goal is the zombie/missing eye photo on the board; I think I can handle it but it's going to be a challenge. I'm self-taught and don't have access to many of the supplies used in the looks I like, so it takes a lot of practice and finagling to get a finished result I'm satisfied looks close to the original.

Something I try to do every holiday is paint my nails (I know, corny). I wash my hands a lot and I'm clumsy, so I never hold out high hopes that any coat of polish will last long on my nails. For holidays though, I'm trying to show up and show out. lol I'm no good with the usual length of coffin nails, but I love the shape and thinness of the nail. The spider accent and drippy blood sets of nails are probably the two I like the most but with the length of the sparkly black set.

Headspace: cozy, forest, warmth, haunted, reading, relax, solitude, lights

To be honest, I'm not exactly waiting with baited breath for fall weather. Even though I like the vibe that colder days give off, I'm not eager to confine myself to the house for the next five months. I love colder days when nobody has to go anywhere and we can tuck ourselves away in our own little corners all day long. I'm just not here for a cold day everyday. lol I find myself much more inspired this year by Halloween and creating a cozy atmosphere for myself to spend the next few months in. Let me just say, having seasonal depression, a lowered immune system and agoraphobia (among a host of other things) really sucks a lot of the time. So its of the utmost importance to me that I try to spend the colder months as comfortable, happy and productive as I possibly can. Since I'm largely indoors for months at a time, I try to bring the seasons to me, which is why I love the "Touch" portion of these inspo boards so much. It helps the depression part of things a lot. 

I'm getting ready to start Octoberfest over on ATV so if you don't hear much from me here throughout next month, don't be surprised. If you're into creepy, haunted and morbid stuff you should check out the series; I do it every year and its always a ton of fun. That's what the cemetery, haunted looking house, and the foggy forest pictures are inspired by. Ironically, I don't think I'm even doing haunted houses this year but it still reminded me of the series so I included it. lol

Sorry this fall's headspace isn't too interesting; other than Halloween, my cocoon and Octoberfest, I'm not all that excited about it. I'm okay with the soul burning heat of summer going away, but I wouldn't mind if it stayed short sleeve weather warm for awhile longer. Enough complaining though. This fall doesn't have much in the way of headspace inspiration, but last year's Autumn Aesthetic does. Like how I slipped that bit of past post promo in there, huh? lol

sandalwood, eucalyptus, musk, drier, slightly masculine and woodsy notes combined with sweet accent notes, cinnamon, brown sugar

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9


Vetiver Sandalwood--vetiver grass, sandalwood, warm musk
Autumn Simmer Pot--orange, apple, cinnamon
Bourbon Butterscotch--caramelized sugar, warm butter, bourbon 
Cider Lane--caramel, green apple, dark brown sugar, ground clove
Cashmere Woods--amber, vanilla bean, citrus, jasmine
Leaves--red apple, golden nectar, warm clove spice
Vanilla Pumpkin Marshmallow--vanilla, pumpkin spice, marshmallow, caramel
ScentSationals Zen--eucalyptus, spearmint, white pine, Egyptian musk, sandalwood
Pumpkin Pecan Waffles--maple syrup, golden waffles, pumpkin spice, brown sugar


First of all, let me just inform you that Bath and Body Works has played with my emotions for the first and last time. While I was looking up the candles with the scent notes I was going for, I found out that they did not release Marshmallow Fireside with the rest of the seasonal collection this year! They did not ask for my permission to do this, I would have denied them permission if they'd asked, and I didn't sign up for any of it. Where's my damn candle, B&BW?!? Kidding. But seriously, I wish they'd released it; it's my favorite all-time candle scent.

As for scents I'm gravitating toward this fall, I've been liking deeper, muskier notes, but with an accent of a seasonal scent, like pumpkin, caramel or apple. It dials down the woodsy note, which I sometimes find overwhelming on its own, and adds a bit of softness to it. If its rounded out by smaller floral notes, that's even better. A lot of the scent notes in the candles I chose this time around are rather similar, but it also has a lot to do with the other secondary notes and the strength level of each ingredient. I took it easy on the pumpkin this year as well; since it's become both the visual and culinary representative of fall I notice myself backing away from it more and more. Also, pumpkin in large doses is nauseating. Yeah, I said it.

Halloween-related decor, pumpkin-less decor, skull and skeleton-related projects, rustic/vintage-inspired items for both fall and Halloween

There is a lot less decor for a 3-month season and a lot more for a 1-day holiday on this board. lol Over the years, Halloween has become my favorite holiday in terms of creating projects; it was actually Halloween that inspired my DIY for Cheaper (which I promise is coming soon) series and got me into SFX makeup looks. The projects I'm most excited to try and price for an installment of DIY FC are the embracing skeletons in the frame, the skeleton and rose wreath, and the skeleton filled with flowers.

A vintage-inspired look to Halloween decor is never far from my mind as the Gothic, Victorian and Edwardian periods are my favorite historical eras, and I love sprinkling that into more modern projects. The little candy jars on the board would probably be turned into 1800s-era apothecary jars and the picture frame in the skeleton picture would remain as is because it already looks vintage. There's also a picture floating around somewhere with a Gothic-style candelabra for Halloween, which I'd also utilize in the decor.

As for fall, I'd keep it simple and nature-inspired. I love the concept of reusing smaller pieces of tree stump to insert tealights into; they'd make for a beautiful entryway table accent. The candy corn tealights would be good placed at various places throughout a room for some color, and I am in love with the pinecone bouquet as a centerpiece. The lighted skeletal hands or mason jar candles would bring that seasonal element to windows or fireplace mantles. I really like the combination of candles and seasonal colors for decor, but I can't find many fall tutorials that don't use either pumpkins or leaves, (which I don't want to overdo) so I wasn't able to find too many fall projects I liked this year.

As a random aside that I didn't include on the board, I'm all the way into blanket forts and tents this year. All the way. I think my mini-me would like it too so that's definitely on my list. My sister and I are having a blanket fort party on Halloween so we can watch Hocus Pocus while the kids are out trick-or-treating, and by the time mini-me comes home with her candy we'll already have it all set up. I can't wait.

roasted vegetables, thick sauces, baked mini pies and desserts, fresh jams and preserves, smoked meats, game day food

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11
(#7 is no longer a functioning website so there is no link. My suggestion is to
try this recipe from Giada de Laurentiis if you want fried ravioli bites.)

Last year, I was more inspired by specific flavors rather than types of food or specific dishes. This year, I find myself much more excited to make mini desserts and pies (even though I only eat two kinds of pie lol) than anything else. I've been into making jams, butters and preserves for a few years now and I'll make at least one a year, but I'd like to try jams I've never made before. Baked treats and the like are also on my favorites list this year. So is game food, as football has finally returned to my life. I'm still intrigued by making finger foods, mainly because since it's cocoon season I want a bunch of cute little snacks to eat in my fort. lol

I'm a little surprised that I have roasted vegetables on the list this year, but I think I'm much more inspired by food I'd like to cook rather than food I'd like to eat and roasted vegetables are something I'd like to cook. I've been wanting to prepare a lot of foods with a sweet, smoky taste which brings me to the meats. I've been wanting meats with peppered crusts, thick, sweet sauces on top (for some reason I've had my brain set on playing around with a bourbon barbecue sauce and I don't even like cooking with alcohol), smoky, roasted vegetables alongside it, and a mini tartlet or pie to finish things off. You could easily tweak this meal skeleton to make it appropriate for summer, but a thicker, warmer base with a smoked accent seems more suited for fall.

calmer, softer beats (my usual lol)



Per usual with me, the music I prefer during the fall changes a bit and I start moving toward more mellow, moody beats. I'm a big fan of ambient music anyway, but this increases during the colder months. I'm not trying to hear a bunch of screaming and bass drops while I'm trying to read a book during the middle of a November night, ya know? The change of vibe almost demands a change in tunes and I end up scrambling to find new playlists. Here's a last minute one I found but I've been enjoying it.

So that wraps up this year's fall inspiration. Basically, I'm not ready for the end of warm weather but I'm completely ready for Halloween. lol Other than the "See" and "Touch" sections, I think this season's inspiration was rather simple. If it erred on the side of boring for you, I apologize. I'm getting better at the graphics end of things though, so I hope if you weren't able to get anything out of the content that you at least liked the pictures. lol I have a couple more fall-related posts I'm going to roll out over the next week or so to kick the mood into fall, so be on the lookout for those. You'll be seeing me later today; this week's Self-Love entry will be up later this evening and I'd really love if you came back to read it. Per usual, I hope you enjoyed today's post and I'll see you later!

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Self-Love September: My Perfect Imperfections Tag

Hi! Today's topic was originally going to be about something different, but I saw this tag video on YouTube and thought it would be a good topic to discuss coming off of last week's questionnaire. I'd never heard of the Perfect Imperfections tag until I watched Jenn from clothesencounters do it earlier today, but she mentioned having gotten the idea from another YouTuber named AndreasChoice, who created this tag. I didn't watch the latter video, but I got what I needed to take the tag on here. I don't know how things are going in your neck of the woods, but this has definitely been the season for self-love. The lessons others in my life have been learning, some of the lessons I've revisited, either to give someone advice or through self-reflection, have come back to self-love, and I realized an issue I've been having as of late has come back to self-love as well. 

When I asked the people in my life whether they loved themselves, the 'no' answers varied in reason but the vast majority of them came back to something physical they didn't like. As much as many of us loathe to admit these things because they make us feel as though we're being shallow or superficial, our physical perception of ourselves has a lot to do with our ability to love ourselves. It can be hard to talk about those things, especially with other people because it makes us feel vulnerable, which is one of the uglier parts of learning to love ourselves. Exposing ourselves to ourselves is difficult, but exposing yourself where others can see, hear or read it is incredibly hard for many people to do. The basis for today's post came from Andrea and Jenn but I put a little spin on it. If I'm going to ask you to be vulnerable, I have to take the plunge first so let's get into this tag!

1. The shape of my face/my forehead

My face is oval-shaped and I have a large forehead, so I've found that I often have to finesse my hairstyles to disguise or diminish it. I often wear wigs for the tri-fold of protective, variety and personal preference reasons, and this puts a lot of strain on your edges over time. Since I've gone Natural and don't wear my wigs as often, I've been trying to grow my edges back (LOL) learn to like my face shape without hiding behind my hair. If I don't wear bangs and slick my hair back I often look bald, which has bothered me dating back to my middle school years when I was bullied about it. I try to take comfort in the celebrities I see who have large foreheads but don't hide behind their hair, but I also see the hateful comments left behind, which always hit me a little close to home having had some of the same comments directed at me. My face shape and forehead have made me very insecure for a very long time, and while I'm still deeply insecure about them, I also accept that short of doing something permanent, costly and/or drastic, there's nothing I can do about them but accept and make the best of them because they're mine.

2. My recent weight gain

I had originally written this as the first entry, but I ended up having a book-length amount of things to say about it, so I erased it and started over. lol I'll keep it short. I've been 'skinny fat' for a few years now so my stomach has been a lingering insecurity for me but I've recently put on some weight, mainly in that area, and this has been affecting my ability to be okay with my appearance. What complicated things further was when I broke my toe a couple of years ago. I started treatment for it last summer and was put on light to no activity. I had surgery on my foot this past April to fix the bone, which hadn't healed, and finally got the okay to transition back into regular shoes last month. I have plantar fasciitis in both feet, which I'll be starting treatment for soon, so due to pain from that and lingering pain in my toe I still have to limit my physical activity. I turned 30 while I was still on the 'have all the seats' list, which was when I got to see firsthand that your metabolism does in fact slow down. lol I went from not being able to gain 2 pounds due to anxiety, stress and a potentially overactive thyroid to having 10 extra pounds in my stomach and thighs that I can't lose. I can no longer fit most of my clothes and any attempt I make to express my frustration about this with other women in my life, all of whom are curvy or plus-sized, is swatted down and ignored due to the 'skinny privilege' argument. Because I can no longer fit my clothes, I struggle to feel okay about how I look when I leave the house, especially now that I don't have my boot or shoe on to hide behind, as stupid as that may sound. As my foot continues to heal, I've realized that I don't trust my toe to handle regular activity anymore so I've been taking it maybe a little easier than I should. I've also lost a general comfort with my body with this extra weight; I don't feel comfortable in my own skin a lot of the time anymore. When I'm at home and in full-on sloth mode, I'm moderately fine. But when my siblings have anyone over or I have to get dressed to go anywhere, I feel so uncomfortable. Add in my agoraphobia, social anxiety and regular anxiety and I'm a walking fucking panic attack. lol And I'm that anyway, but even more so now.

3. My eyes 

I don't think I've ever talked about this before, but I have astigmatism in my left eye. What that means in layman's terms is that light does not reflect evenly on my left retina, which causes it to be weaker than my right eye, and as a result I rely heavily on my right eye for focus and precision. I've had this since I was 7 and a common byproduct of astigmatism is amblyopia, or a lazy eye. My glasses control this for the most part, but without them my left eye wanders. Sometimes with my glasses on, depending on the direction I'm looking in, you can tell that my left eye is slightly off-center and this makes me incredibly self-conscious. Without them, however, my left eye knows it ain't shit so it goes off to play by itself and leaves my right eye to overcompensate. LOL  That's actually the main reason why, even if I had the money, I'd never do YouTube videos. I love makeup and logically speaking, it would be the best place to demo and review products. But I can't comfortably do that knowing that my left eye is always on some bullshit.   

1. I'm an interrupter. 

I'm that annoying idiot who cuts people off in the middle of their sentences. It's one of my worst traits. I wasn't originally an interrupter, which makes me even angrier that I picked it up at all. One of my biggest strengths used to be that I was a good listener. That has quickly gone the way of Circuit City as I can't properly listen for beans anymore. I've taken to taping up my mouth when conversing with my mom sometimes so that I can curb the habit, it's that bad. There are a couple of reasons why this has gone from being a non-factor to the main factor, but the primary one was because I needed to be able to interrupt when talking to certain people, which I know sounds intentionally rude so let me explain. I have a lot of overtalkers in my life and because I was previously a listener, I had to learn to be an overtalker if I wanted to be heard. Because I had to do this with at least 4 people in my life during the time period I picked it up, I had to do it so often that it stuck and now I do it all the time, even when I don't have to. I'm terrible at it and I usually catch myself while I'm doing it or have to make myself shut up until the person is finished talking. I'm even worse when someone's lying about or to me; I won't let them get anything out. I hate this about myself so much. It's an ugly behavior, it's rude as all hell, and I hate that I picked up something I have always despised. 

2. I'm an anger hoarder.

Something that has haunted me dating back to my very first relationship is that I hold onto my anger and I'm not very forgiving. I can easily be angry for days, if not weeks, about an argument. I've learned that part of the reason I do that is because of my anxiety, but my mind will repeat an argument, even a small one, on a constant loop for days straight. It does nothing but keep me angry and with larger arguments, make me depressed. But I don't know how to get rid of it. The reasons why I am always so angry are long (hide your shocked expressions) and personal but regardless, I hang onto it for a really long time. The longer I'm angry though, the worse I feel. It stresses me out, makes me anxious, messes with a number of my health issues and creates a situation that's only harmful for me; it has no effect on the person I'm angry at. It's not healthy to be angry a majority of the time, even if your reasons are valid. My larger issue is letting things go in general, which partially explains why I have a hard time letting go of negative emotions. 

3. I'm a little intolerant at times. 

I consider myself an open-minded person in a lot of ways. But there are other things that I have absolutely no tolerance for. Because I have such little tolerance levels, I can come off as an asshole sometimes. Me being so intolerant doesn't really help someone around me to grow, because if they're anything like me they'd prefer I have a positive response to any attempts at growth that they make. My intolerance to things makes people feel as though they have to be perfect, which isn't my goal at all, but in my eyes, it's not hard to be decent. Because of that mentality, I have no tolerance for behavior that suggests otherwise, especially if the person is old enough to know better. I don't mind that I have no room for acceptance with certain things because I hope it puts out the message to certain people that I do have a line and they shouldn't cross it, but I also know that it gives off the impression that I want perfection from others because of my 'no bullshit' policy. It takes time to grow, and intolerance kind of stunts that for some people.

1. My hands

I remember a guy I was seeing once telling me I had man hands. Forgetting the bad pun on my name, I thought I had overly large hands for a long time and was pretty insecure about them. Now, however, I love my hands. I hate that I can't hold more than 8 M&Ms without dropping some of them and within 8 years, my nieces' hands will be bigger than mine, but I like my hands. They're wrinkle-free, they're soft, they're quite small, and I really like how rings and longer nails look on them. If I wasn't so lazy, I'd be a really good polish model. lol 

2. My ears 

I've noticed over the years that ears are a point of contention for a lot of people, but I like mine. They're on the small side, but they don't stick out too far from my head nor are they flush with my head, so I'm good. I have a ear pit, which is basically just a hole, above my left ear (they're medically called preauricular sinus holes but ehh, ear pit is easier to say) and apparently its uncommon so I'm basically a rarity (and thank God for that). lol Anyway, I like the look of it even though its technically considered a birth defect 😶 and I like the size of my ears. I think they're cute. lol

3. My neck/collarbones

One of the many body parts I never focused on over the years was my neck, because my attention was always focused somewhere else, usually on a part of my body that I didn't like. But I like my neck. It looks feminine to me and I like that it's a little long. It makes me feel like a swan. lol I like my collarbones because while they do protrude, it isn't jarring to the eye. It's not skeletal. I have a mole on my right collarbone and I've always loved moles so I like that bit of detail on it. I know raving about my neck and collarbones sounds dumb as hell but I was running low on parts. Humor me. lol

1. I'm resourceful. 

When you've lived the majority of your life as poor as I've been, you have two options: adapt or perish. By that I don't mean literally although it works that way too; I mean mentally. I grew up not having a lot and for a period of time, I had nothing at all. Through the years, we slowly accumulated more, but basic things are often still missing and we don't have money very often to replace things. Because of that, we had to learn to make do with what we had. I became the queen of what the Black community calls a "nigga rig," which basically just means I'm good at rigging something to work. We couldn't hire people to do things and didn't know how to do them ourselves, so I had to get creative. I didn't have a bathroom cabinet to store my things, so I made one out of cardboard boxes. It worked pretty well, too. lol I've had to seal holes in the house, make makeshift tables, and fix various things over the years and I believe the only reason why I'm good at it now is because I've had so much practice with trying to make something bad a little bit better. I think being able to think on your feet to come up with at least a Band-Aid in certain situations is key, and over the years I've learned to do it quite well. 

2. I'm a fixer by nature. And I'm good at it. 

Because I'm resourceful and I think well on my feet, it's kind of in my nature to want to fix things. I'm Handy Mandy in my house, so I do a lot of things. It's in my nature to want to make things easier, to step in and help, or fix what's wrong, for other people. It's a dangerous trait because you end up getting taken advantage of more than you get people who appreciate what you do, but I made a point to be a Jill of all trades so that I wouldn't have to rely on others to make something work for me. Others in my life aren't put out by not having certain things because I know how to do them so they can always ask me, making it easier for them, which was my point. That was my thinking on it. Do I get taken advantage of? Yes. Often, actually. But I don't regret having taught myself so many useful skills, I don't regret helping people, and I appreciate that even if I'm taken advantage of, people know that I'm reliable, I will help, and I won't take advantage of them. All I want in return is a thank you, and that's only because I've worked hard and my mama raised me with manners. I'd say thank you if it was done for me, so that's all I ask in return. 

3. I'm loyal. 

I've learned the hard way that good, genuine friends are hard to come by. I think many people have to learn this lesson the hard way. One thing I know to be true about myself is that I'm a good friend. Maybe not a perfect friend, but I'm a good person to have in your corner and I'm proud of that. I don't believe in betraying my friends, I'm not jealous of their successes nor do I demean or diminish their accomplishments. I love when my friends are doing well because it motivates me to do better for myself, and I stick by them whether they're doing well or not. Of course I have my limits, everyone should, but for the most part once I make a true blue friend, I'm not going anywhere. Loyalty is hard to come by these days, so I'm proud that despite my experiences, I haven't allowed this to change about myself. 

1. I've worked on my impatience. 

I'm still an impatient person, but I'm much more patient now than I was a few years ago. The last couple of years have been a massive exercise in patience for me and I've had no choice but to learn it. It's a work that's still in progress and sometimes I still have a hard time with it, but I'm doing much better than I was when I was in my early 20s. I think there are a lot of reasons behind why I'm impatient and I understand them, but the trait itself is still a rude one, especially when depending on others, so it's something I'd like to work on. 

2. I no longer think that being angry and being spiteful go hand-in-hand. 

I learned this lesson as a teen but realized I was correct while I was in my last serious relationship. I believe in fighting fair but using tough love when the need calls for it and not resorting to pettiness to win an argument. My ex felt that being angry meant that sometimes you said things you didn't mean and as long as the person apologizes afterward, it's okay. I haven't agreed with that reasoning since I was a child and probably never will again. I remembered what it felt like when people said mean things to me just because they were angry with me, and it wasn't easy for me to forgive some of the things that were said. I didn't want to be someone who said rude things then hid behind the excuse that I was angry. Even if I didn't mean the words I said, they still had an impact on the person I'd said them to, and that pain is not always relieved with an apology. It hurts, and it can cause you to lose trust in that person, which I didn't want. I have to admit that part of my reasoning was selfish; I don't like to apologize so I figured if I didn't say anything out of pocket I wouldn't have to apologize. I also just didn't want to hurt people because I was angry at them. I don't believe that being angry is an excuse to intentionally say mean things to people anymore; anger and spite are only hand-in-hand if the person chooses to be that way. I consciously choose not to do that. I've worked hard not to allow my temporary emotion of anger cause me to make decisions with long-term repercussions or cause long-term damage to the relationships with those I love. 

3. I now understand the importance of being my own best friend. 

This was one of the most important lessons I've learned in my life. Growing up, I didn't realize that I needed to be my own friend. I also didn't realize that not being my own friend would cause a lot of things to transpire that I wouldn't even dream of allowing in my life now. Because I was able to develop standards for myself, I now enjoy spending alone time, and this helps me to continue growing in love with myself. Many people, myself included at one time, don't enjoy their own company and many people, again including myself, seek their validation from external relationships. I've learned the hard way that allowing your validation as a person to be largely dependent on your relationships with other people does more damage to you because if those people leave your life, that validation leaves as well. And then what? So when you're your own friend, you provide all of that to yourself and that does a lot in helping how you approach the world and relationships with other people. 

1. I'd like to get better at apologizing. 

I said earlier that I don't like to apologize, and that's the truth. I will apologize if I know I'm doing something wrong, but I don't always do it right away. I often don't do it right away, if I'm being honest. I mentioned this during last week's questionnaire, but I'm a prideful person. Apologizing means admitting I've fucked up somewhere, and it's not so much the eating crow part as it is the fact that I'm eating crow because I fucked up. I'm a firstborn, and I'm a perfectionist. I feel like I have to be the example all the time, even though all five of us are grown, so I often feel as though I don't have much wiggle room to make mistakes. As such, it is super hard for me to admit when I have made one, then have to swallow my pride and apologize for it. I don't mind making it up to the person I wronged because I do believe in admitting to and making up for my wrongs, but firstly and most importantly, I don't like doing others wrong. Secondly and selfishly though, I don't like being wrong, because again, it means I fucked up somewhere along the way. I don't make intentional decisions to hurt those I love, but that's how life works. Whether you mean to or not, you're going to anger someone and/or you're going to hurt their feelings. What's important is that you handle it properly, apologize sincerely, and make sure it doesn't happen again. Because I don't intentionally mean to cause others pain or anger, when I do I usually beat myself up about it for awhile. So on a secondary note, I need to get better at apologizing to myself and making peace with the fact that I fail momentarily just like everyone else, but that momentary lapse doesn't make me a failure as a person.


2. I'd like to be a bit easier on myself. 

Going from my previous improvement goal, a lot of the reason I don't like apologizing is because it's hard for me to accept that I've done something wrong to someone else, especially if I didn't mean to. I'll beat myself up before, during and even after I've apologized, been forgiven and the other person's gotten over it. It could be something small and miniscule but I'll just add it into the rotating circle of all of my previous wrongs and read myself the riot act about it for weeks. I think being such a perfectionist and being so hard on myself makes it harder for me to accept those wrong moments, makes it harder for me to apologize, and pushes me to a standard of perfection that is impossible to obtain. Despite my awareness of my imperfections, I have a hard time accepting them nonetheless. I'd like to fix that contradiction in my life.


3. I'd like to learn to ask for help. 

Back to the Jill of all trades thing, a large part of the reason why I made the effort to be one is because I had nobody to ask for help when I was younger. I always tried to find the answers to what we needed and I had to learn a lot in order to handle everything we needed done or figured out over the years. It's a large reason behind why I am so resourceful now; I had to either find the answers, find something similar, or deal without it. Because I'm Handy Mandy, I feel weak when I ask for help, like I can't do it on my own. And I know, logically, that I cannot do absolutely everything on my own, but I also know that many entrepreneurs were faced with the same decision in the dog days of their businesses and had to do a lot of things at once. When I think about asking for help I feel lazy, like I would owe my success to someone else, because I could not handle the workload on my own. Which is another complete contradiction because I'm always telling people that strength is knowing when to ask for help, yet this is something I get worse at doing the older I get. I used to never ask for help with anything, large or small, but I've been working on it for a little while now. I'm nowhere near where I'd like to be, where I can freely accept that I need help and ask for it if necessary, but I have finally admitted that with many things that I'm doing, that I do need help. The hardest parts, learning where I can go for help and actually asking for/accepting it, are what I'm working on now.

Sweet baby Jesus this was a difficult post to do. I feel born day naked out here right now. lol I'm aware of my faults and its one thing to share them with people who know me, but it's another thing entirely to explain the reasoning behind those faults and flaws. This was one of the uglier parts, at least for me. I don't think self-love and self-care are all about the pampering, the nurturing, and the comfort. They're also about taking stock of yourself, the parts of yourself you don't often share with others, the parts you're not proud of, answering for them and loving yourself in spite of them.

I'm impatient, I stay angry for too long, I don't like to apologize and I hate asking for help yet tell others to ask if they need it all the time. I'm a contradiction of faults and while I accept myself overall, it's a bit harder not to change that view when I have to break things down, explain my faults and try to move forward. I can change these things about myself if I'm ready to put in the work, but I should love myself in spite of my faults and thankfully, I do. I'm also ready to put in the work to be better.

What does your list of perfect imperfections look like?

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